It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
