i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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