Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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