Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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