I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
