Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
