so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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