I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You brought string cheese to the strip club
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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