I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
