He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
