I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
nutella sex= disaster
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
