you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
