I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
