you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
