Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
