the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
