No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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