i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you win again, gameday.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
