did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
