i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
