I can text with my tongue
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
