I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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