Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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