I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
