He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
