so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
