I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize