is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
