either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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