saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
