If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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