It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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