Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
