the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
