Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
