I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
