he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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