hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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