we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
