Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
