i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
