ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
