): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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