She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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