It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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