you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
