we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize