Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
