Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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