Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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