Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just found puke in my bra..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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