Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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