When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
