Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
