I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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