I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
