every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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