You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
