thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
