can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
