There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
