last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
