Screwed.edu
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
3 2 1 whiskey
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
